she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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