yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
