Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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