it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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