and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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