My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
