I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
this hospital has no fireball
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
