I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
