They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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