God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
