as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
