well I can't set my house on fire every night
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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