..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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