Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Boobs speak an international language.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
