i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
