hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
