you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
