Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
