So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
