I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
