My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
