I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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