I'm eating all of the evidence.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
