my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
