Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
