Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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