Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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