Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
