I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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