What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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