The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
