Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you had me at cake vodka
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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