I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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