what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
