giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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