we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
