She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
