I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
