I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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