My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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