This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
