Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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