this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
