I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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