There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
