I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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