I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
