i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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