Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
