So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bring me that man meat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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