Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
