He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
