what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
