eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
