Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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